Bride guide #11 from Ogden Utah Wedding Photographer Lauren Kay Photography.

 

Yep girl, you do you. And by you I mean both of you. You’ve heard it at least a million times. This is your wedding day. Right?

 

But let me say that again. This is YOUR wedding day.

 

If I could help you understand one thing, it would be this. 

 

Forget tradition, bag your parents’ expectations, never mind what your best friend did for her wedding. Girl, this is your wedding! Stop comparing. Don’t let other people’s expectations rule your life! Follow your heart and don’t worry about what anyone else wants or expects. It’s okay to do things differently. This is your celebration. So it can and should be about what you and your groom want.

 

Plan to Your Personalities

 

Do you love being the life of the party? Or are you sweating buckets when you’re at a party? Your personality matters! Embrace who you both are and let it guide you. Make your wedding match your personalities. If you hate social gatherings and want nothing more than to crawl under a rock, a reception might not be for you. If you love to be the life of the party, then make your celebration a party! If you like small, close-knit gatherings, then maybe a small, close-knit celebration would be best for you. If you love to travel and want just a few close family and friends at your wedding, maybe you should consider a destination wedding. If you don’t care about talking to your great uncle twice removed, then don’t plan your whole day around a reception with people you don’t care to celebrate with. If you want everyone to just be focused and present, then maybe you should ask everyone to come to your wedding unplugged. Are you starting to see what I mean?

 

Everyone’s personalities are different. There isn’t some magical mold that every couple fits into, and yet we feel this pressure to make our weddings be like everyone else’s. 

 

Your wedding should be as unique as the two of you are.

 

Your personalities may be different and that’s okay. That’s a great time to communicate and compromise and find ways to make it the best for you both. 

 

Here’s the truth. Certain wedding traditions are not for everyone. And if you plan your day around what you think is expected, you will regret it. But if you plan your day to match what you and your man love and enjoy, you will love and enjoy it.

 

Ask yourself…

What three words would describe my personality?

My groom’s?

What three words would people use to describe us?

What five words describe the type of wedding we want to have?

What type of celebration sounds most meaningful to us?

 

Express Yourselves

 

The best weddings are the weddings where the couple lets their personality shine through. Express yourselves! Have fun with it! Embrace who you are and who you are as a couple and let it show.

 

Real Brides…

• Had their celebration in a hangar because her groom was a pilot
• Had their favorite treats as their dessert
• Wore an Indian wedding dress because her groom was Indian and he wore an American suit
• Had musical performances at their celebration because they and their families were musical

 

 

Parent Pressure

 

In no way is this section meant to attack your parents. It is meant to help you.

 

Most likely you love your parents and they love you. We’re going to take that assumption and run with it.

 

Your parents might be the ones paying for your wedding. They’ve gone to a ton of weddings. They probably have an idea of what they think their children’s weddings should be like. And they feel pressure. Pressure from their friends and family. Pressure to invite. To produce an elaborate, or maybe a simple, celebration. They don’t want to offend people. They have traditions and norms they feel a need to uphold. They might even feel like your wedding is a reflection of their worth. 

 

These pressures are real. They are! People really might get offended and they would have to take the flack. Be compassionate. Strive to see where your parents are coming from and the motivations and fears behind the things they want you to do. If they love you, like we’re assuming, their intentions are good. They care about you.

 

But this isn’t their wedding day.

 

This isn’t their chance to shine or to invite all of their friends or do what they want. 

 

It is yours. 

 

This is your day and it should be the celebration you and your groom want, where you want, with who you want. If that upsets them, then it might just be a good time for you and your groom to cleave together.

 

I urge you to be aware of the pressure coming from your parents and from anyone else for that matter, real or imagined. Acknowledge it, talk with them about it if needed, and plan your day to be just that. Your day.

 

This is your time to invest in what matters to you. So do it.

 

 

Reality Check: 

Alright, honest evaluation time.

• What do you feel like you need to do because you think or know others expect it of you?
  • Don’t brush past this. Be honest. It might be hard. It might even hurt. But really, what are you doing for others and their expectations? 

• What do you feel like you need to do because it’s a tradition you feel like you have to do?

• What do you two want?

If you are considering doing things in your wedding that you don’t want to do, drop them now. Whether it’s for your parents, or a tradition you feel a need to uphold, or to impress others, if it’s not meaningful to you, you will regret it. Only do what’s meaningful to you.