October 24, 2019
Bride Guide #3 from Utah Wedding Photographer Lauren Kay Photography
I may just be a Utah wedding photographer, but my goal is to help you create the wedding of your dreams, not just capture it. Because mine wasn’t. Read part one of my story, and the first three things I hope no other brides ever do before you dive into 4-7!
4. I tried to do it all.
I was living in a mess. No really. Like no-room-to-put-a-bowl-down-on-the-kitchen-table, kind of mess. I felt like such a burden on everyone. I was working a job I hated. And I was a full-time student getting married in the middle of a semester. So what did I do? Sensibly, I refused to move out, kept my job, didn’t drop any classes, and tried to do all of the wedding planning on my own. I became so burned out that I literally lost my mind a little. I went to school every day in sweats and my hair in a bun with no makeup, if that helps paint the picture a little. I made crazy decisions that I would never make now. I tried to do my own hair, and later cried in the bathroom during my formal session when the curls fell out, and ended up scrunching it on my wedding day. I did my own makeup and put on so little that it made no difference. I went dress shopping one time for an hour or two. I didn’t dance with my husband. Or my daddy. I didn’t make my wedding a priority. Or my marriage.
5. I tried to involve him.
I tried to involve my husband. Even though I was crazy, I still loved him. And I would ask for his opinion on things. Like if he liked lace or light pink. He was envisioning lace from the eighteen-hundreds and baby pink, so of course he said no. I was envisioning classy lace and blush. I didn’t get a lace dress even though I love them and our colors became hot pink and mint. True story. So in an effort to involve him I compromised on things I shouldn’t have and didn’t budge on the things I should’ve compromised. He, like most grooms, just went with what I wanted because I was the bride.
6. I just wanted to be with him.
We wanted to just be together so badly that we neglected everyone else. We alienated all our friends because we were trying to be married without actually being married. And I alienated my husband too. I resisted my husband so much physically when we were dating. I just wanted us to stay good! Which is so important. But I totally went about it the wrong way and what really happened was he felt rejected and our wedding day became all about our wedding night. We overemphasized our wedding night which caused problems later on. We’ll chat more about that later.
7. I forgot this was a marriage.
From day one of our planning, I shut my husband out. I neglected him. I was selfish. I didn’t truthfully consider what he might want or what would be meaningful to him. He got married in a town that meant nothing to him, surrounded by strangers. He ate breakfast alone in a hotel while I partied with my family. None of his friends were invited. It was his wedding day too. The thing I regret most is that he can never have the wedding day he dreamed of either.
Our marriage rocks now. No, really. Sure, we get frustrated with each other and we most definitely have our moments. But, thanks to counseling (it’s the best, everyone should go), prayers, the Grace of God, and hard work, I can definitely say I am madly in love with the man I married, we love being together, and the best part is, every day we’re trying to grow and improve.
I’m actually really grateful now that things started the way they did because it was what we needed to grow. And I also believe it’s a way for me to serve the world. So take it from the girl who learned it all the hard way. Let me save you the regret I went through and help you make your wedding day a beautiful start to your marriage.