October 23, 2019
Bride Guide #2 from Davis County wedding photographer Lauren Kay Photography.
Do you want to know something sad? Well probably not, but here we go. A lot of northern Utah wedding photographers get into photography because of their own love story. Well, I did too, but maybe for a different reason. That sad thing? I don’t have any wedding pictures hanging in my home. I don’t have any printed. I honestly don’t really want to look at them. Not necessarily because the pictures were bad, but because of what they were capturing.
Photo on Left Photo Credit: Kendra Bird Photography
A wedding is as beautiful as you create it to be. And mine? It was dreary.
The hard truth is, I don’t get a chance to do it over. But the good news? I can help you.
I have poured my life into building a series of bride tips in the hopes that it can help someone make their wedding day the start of their marriage that it should be. Hopefully that someone can be you.
Throughout these bride tips, I’ll reference my story a lot. I’m not trying to steal the show or tell you all about me. It’s not because I want to cry over spilled milk. I share my story because the best way I’ve found to help you shape your story is to tell you mine.
So, here it is. Here are the 7 things I did while I was planning my wedding that I hope no one else will ever do:
1. I wanted everyone to be happy.
I am a recovering people-pleaser. Like big time. When I planned my wedding, I was so burdened down by the expectations that other people had… Or the expectations I thought they had. I felt like I couldn’t go against tradition. So I tried to appease everyone and everything. I hired vendors out of a feeling of obligation. I invited people so they wouldn’t be offended. I had a reception in my hometown because I “should” and spent way too much money on it. I went cheap because a wedding “shouldn’t” be expensive. We dated for a long time so that people wouldn’t judge. What all of this people-pleasing really did was make it so my husband and I didn’t have what we wanted.
2. I tried to hold onto the wedding of my dreams.
Well, my three-year-old self’s dreams. When my husband and I started planning our wedding, I was spiteful. Our dating had dragged on longer than I wanted, so I was upset. Not that I had ever done anything to change that though, because, people-pleaser, remember? So instead I took it out on him in our planning. I committed to having the wedding I wanted when I was three and I didn’t budge. We got married in the temple by my hometown even though it was a huge pain and 100% meaningless to my husband. I was dead-set on wearing my hair down because obviously a girl with crazy curly hair that has never styled it by herself should prove that she can wear her hair down. I had weird ideas that I would not let go of even though they didn’t make any sense for our actual situation. I refused to accept our current circumstances.
3. I wanted it to be simple and focused on our marriage.
Don’t we all? My intentions were good. But rather than making it a simple and beautiful celebration, our wedding became of a game of how cheap and lame can we make it. I had a generous budget so that wasn’t the problem. The problem was my heart. My attitude. I wanted it to be cheap rather than making it a meaningful celebration with our friends and family. I didn’t get my hair and makeup done, I bought the cheapest dress I could find, we had our celebration in a church, you name it, we did it. “It’s just a day,” are words I used over and over to convince myself I was doing the right thing. Words that later haunted me. Our wedding was just like any other day. No dancing. No speeches. No friends. Nothing that would make it feel like a celebration of us at all.
Read the rest of my story in part two.